Stubborn Seachy – Carries on……………………………….

…………………………………………so the pig headedness that I have always had meant last night instead of doing nothing I went to watch the fireworks that Heart FM set off each Wednesday in Great Yarmouth. Once again of course I was in my mobility scooter and we got there early to have some tea and a bit of fun on the arcades and pleasure beach.

Trying to lose weight as I look worse than ever I had roast for tea instead of fish and chips and I resisted the urge for dessert (although being cold and zapped of energy I did gobble down some donuts at about half 10). We cruised the 2p machines and I have to say the amusements were very accessible and most of the machines were at a good height to put the 2p’s in. My LG was very happy as I was able to help her get some Toy Story wallets and Dinosaur bits out of the machines.

We went along the seafront and I had certainly had my maximum dose of meds for the day. 11817252_820201591425805_8304184896831210957_nI was being silly pretending to be Andy from little britain cruising along saying “I wanna hot dog” and “I want that one and also was getting jealous of all the bigger and better scooters I was seeing. I even got dissed by one very elderly lady, all of which made me and our friends laugh. The laughter certainly helped my mood and our friends took some silly photo’s of me.

11036030_1221422401221691_4964481609510304805_o 11892106_1221424804554784_5647511520320695967_n

We made our way to the pleasure beach and I got a bit down when we were there. I have always been a thrill seeker and love all the extreme rides but the forces they put through my body now make them impossible to go on. Much as I would love to, and this is a real shame as my LG even at 2 and a half loves the rides and would happily go on the extreme ones. I was silly and went on the tea cups with her it was liberating but I immediately regretted it. Our friends who we went with were great and took her on some other rides but I was really angry with myself for not being able to do more. I’m not sure if this change in meds is making me more angry, or whether it is because I am tired and done too much.

Today my sister and brother in law came over for lunch and I have taken so much medication that I have struggled to maintain a conversation with them. Truth be told after lunch I was struggling to even stay awake. I plonked myself in front of this in an attempt to maintain concentration and my involvement in the conversation but the fact that my wife and LG has now taken them home for afternoon coffee tells me I have failed miserably, I hope they understand that I was not being rude, more that I am just so dead my body is going into shut down I have fallen over 3 times, tripped and stumbled good knows how many times and am very very miserable and angry. Once this has been posted I will slump into the hottub and attempt to keep my eyes open until someone gets home. I am glad that we have very little planned that involves travelling the next few days and just visitors, I just worry that like today the rest of our visitors will find me rude and not understand.

I have to say though, my sister in law was very sweet as they were leaving and came back and said we are family ask for help. I have never felt like they have truly understood the pain and difficulties that I have, but it has to be said they were very kind today and have offered to help with bits about the home I cannot do (my brother in law is retired) but the stubborn streak in me just replies with the normal “I don’t want to be a burden or a pain”.

I hope the mood swings aren’t med related and I hope I get back to my “normal” self and mood soon, but instead I just feel like a moody, ungrateful shit! The smiles seem so phony knowing how I am really feeling inside and how much my pain is going through the roof. I’m not a pleasant person to be around and I don’t blame everyone for going out and leaving me at home, if I was them I would.

😦  😦  😦

Time to get off the pity bus and in the hot tub………………………..

6 thoughts on “Stubborn Seachy – Carries on……………………………….

  1. I hope you two aren’t ganging up on me hahaha! I know you are right Jezza, just hate missing out, and Bro you have known me far too long to lie to you, you read through my pain very easily. Those that care will always shine through.
    Jezza on a side note I read Eaton Park is closed (playground area) due to some damage, was going to suggest next Thursday as a possible park day but do you know any alternatives?

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  2. Seems the previous post covers a lot of what I was going to suggest.

    In all honesty I feel the same when I’m run down an non communicative, but true friends always know how you are at heart, and Love you for who you are, always.

    Be well bro, much love from us both xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Please do not take this the wrong way mate but you need to hear it from someone who lives with pain too.
    Have you thought that everyone went off to allow you to rest because they thought that they were being a burden on you? You like me seem to see through your eyes only. Do you think that they cannot see how much you are suffering? I am lucky enough to know you personally and have seen you in pain. I know when my pain is at it’s worst I see myself as a burden on my family. Lucky for me my wife knows me only too well. I get a good proverbial kick up the arse when I need it.
    Also mate you need to get your head around the fact that when someone offers help they are doing so because they want to. Also it is not just help for you it is also help for your wife.
    I know how hard it is to accept help but I have had to because Andre cannot manage everything herself.
    I know that you are finding it hard to accept but people want to help you because they love you. They may not fully understand what it is like to live in pain. In fact they have no idea. Take it from me they want to help and you need to learn to let them. I bet the pre accident Seachy would have dropped everything to help a friend when they needed it. The post accident Seachy needs to be the friend in need.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Cheers Jez, missed you over the summer, I know you are right and it is the exact same advise I’d give to someone, giving it and taking it however are 2 completely different things hhahahaha oo er missus!

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