………………………………..Given I was stubborn and adamant that I did not want a mobility scooter I have felt isolated and such a pain for the last few days to everyone else.

The scooter was taken in for repair following my latest mishap on Saturday and had to be kept in for a couple of days whilst they ran the diagnostic test on the batteries, charger unit and scooter itself to see what the problem was. Fortunately it turns out that one of the batteries had a fault, hence losing power so quickly and was all repaired under warranty. It is now ready for collection and I can’t wait to get it back. Yes you read that right I can’t wait to get my scooter back. That thing that firstly I couldn’t even say, and then that I resisted getting, and even once we had spent over a thousand pounds on it that I refused using for weeks once we had bought it. I have missed it terribly, it’s been like I’ve lost my legs and independence for a few day.

It was a psychologist at the pain clinic who first suggested a mobility scooter when I was talking about the issues I was having in propelling myself in my wheelchair. I was reliant on others to push me if we were going any great distance because I don’t have the upper body strength to propel myself any distance it is just too painful on my spine. I can just about manage a short trip around the shiny polished floors of a small supermarket.

It was last night that it really hit home to me how much I miss the independence my scooter gives me. We went to watch the fireworks put on by Heart FM and I had to take my wheelchair. Fortunately I live in Norfolk, which is notoriously flat – that is until you get to navigate towns in a wheelchair. The camber of pavements pull you towards the road or peoples hedges and gardens, the continual dropped curbs that houses need to get cars out of drives mean you are up and down all the time and the dropped curbs themselves are anything but smooth. Not to mention having to outrun the log flume so you don’t get soaked…….. I was completely reliant on my wife, parents and friend Dan to push me so that I could get from the pier to the pleasure beach and back again to watch the fireworks. The chair has it’s usual issues of being moved by strangers if I am in their way, plus having people cut in-front and over me to get to the entrances of rides when I’d already positioned myself around the edge to watch my family and friends who were waiting on the rides already. I’d forgotten how frustrated and invisible I feel in a wheelchair in crowds. Having been there with my scooter the previously week the difference was amazing.

So today we go and pick up the one thing I dug my heels in over for months. The one thing that I’d said for ages I didn’t need, and that I wasn’t an old git yet, nor 45 stone and incapable of walking. The one thing I’d said was a waste of money. The one thing I’d said would make no difference to my life. The one thing I said that wouldn’t enable me to enjoy days out. The one thing that I now realise I was so very, very wrong about and I am very excited and looking forward to getting it back. It makes such a difference and I am glad I will have it back soon enough. I am less of a nuisance to others having to push me around (even if I was used as a pack horse when everyone bundled on to the bumper cars that empty class rum bottle got me some funny looks Dan you Pri@k hahaha).

In addition I can’t walk far and I make sure I push myself and do a short walk every day in line with my physio routine. I noticed getting in and out of my wheelchair is far more difficult than my scooter), I am now awaiting delivery of some crutches to help with my posture when I do walk. Leaning on my walking sticks as I have a tendency to do is making my lumbar spine region worse and we’re hoping the crutches will alleviate some of this pressure.

I am learning to accept the small changes in my life that for so long I refused to have. I felt like accepting was giving in and my competitive nature means that has never been in my make up. I now understand that acceptance is exactly the opposite to giving in, it is allowing and embracing small changes to the way I do things to be able to continue on living and with as much independence as I can muster. If only I could remember all this on some of those days that I get really down and dark and grumpy and when I feel people look at the handrail outside my bungalow and think old person lives there! It’s all so simple and clear at times and at others a massive mess in my head! Anyway I’ve waffled on enough again so lets just say I’m looking forward to getting my freedom back, to be able to scoot to playgroup or to the shops with my LG on my better days or to be in control of my own steering on our days out. I’m even getting used to being a passenger in my own car!

invisible illness invisible illness2

2 thoughts on “Feeling isolated…………………………………

  1. Why not print this out and read it when you are feeling grumpy – as you say, changes in lifestyle don’t all have to be negative.

    Like

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