Yesterday was a major breakthrough for me, not only did I attend my first group “exercise class” courtesy of Active Norfolk and their Fit and Fun campaign. A 12 week Yoga programme that I can do as much or as little as I am capable of depending on the amount of pain I am in each session, along with learning some strengthening and breathing exercises that I can do at home too.
This was a real step forward as I pushed a little too hard but far less than my macho ego has done in the past. Before my car accident I was very fit and thoroughly resent not being able to do so many of the things I used to love. Perhaps being Yoga and something new I had no previous expectations to compare it with therefore I didn’t do this or that. Anyway I am looking forward to next weeks class if I can shift an appointment around.
The biggest breakthrough was speaking to Dr B, she is a chronic pain psychologist, and after a couple of pep talks from Dan, Sam, Jeremy and Jane I went in my session determined to be honest. 13 years of emotions started to pour out and although this was only the first session I left feeling as if a weight had started to be lifted from off my shoulders. It’s weird I have some amazing family and friends who support me no end, but this was different. I was talking through things that I have tried protecting from others, because I did not want to upset them or make them worry about me unduly. I’m not talking major things but days I’m in more pain, feelings of being a burden when days out and holidays have to planned around my needs etc and how infuriating not being able to be spontaneous is or just get up and go out for a run like I used to. I have some surveys that I am to give to a few people over the coming 3 weeks before my next appointment to get some feedback on one of the exercises that I am doing. These will be anonymous, but most of all it is important for whoever I ask to be truthful in their answers.
Today was another positive step forward for me, Today I went to an Equal Lives Independent Living Event, as advertised below. It was a huge step forward for me in many ways. Firstly it was a major step because I have started to accept what life means for me.
Secondly it was a big step forward because it means that I have started to accept that I need more help with day to day living and understanding what help is out. Today I spoke to an old school friend who as luck would have it works as part of the Motability scheme. She was able to offer me some great advice now that my car is no longer meeting my needs, I also met Tom who works for Equal Lives and is working on a scheme aimed at getting disabled people more active and involved in adaptive sports, and he talked me through a personal budget that I can apply for for help towards the cost of adaptive sports. I am looking forward to trying out Archery and Hand Cycling in the coming months, as well as building up the courage to get back into the water. I spoke to a helpful lady about a handyjob service in Norfolk, things like a little bit one off gardening, hanging a curtain rail changing light bulbs or smoke alarm batteries etc all those little annoying frustrating things you want to do but can’t so get left. I also asked for help getting my wheelchair in and out of my car and didn’t feel as much of a burden asking for help. Burden that word that keeps jumping into my head as soon as I feel the need to ask anyone for the slightest thing. Exhausted I returned home and spent much of the afternoon sleeping and recovering.
A couple of huge metaphoric wheels forward this week, I’d love to say they reduce pain the reality is very little will do that but they will help life be a little less of a struggle and that has to be a good thing. Lets hope this positive mind carries on.