So the big 100 is here and here was me thinking that I was going to struggle with some positives worthy of writing about, silly thing is that 5 minutes before starting writing this I had two things I was going to write about and now my mind has gone blank on one of them.
Well I’ll start with the one I can remember (it would be some type of magic if I started with the one I couldn’t). I made it to playgroup this morning, it was touch and go with the pain and with my LG sleeping in it meant getting ready in record time (now this was 1 & a 1/2 hours, but that is record time for me to help her with breakfast, dressing and brushing her teeth so that gives you a glimpse into what pacing life is). Now that she is one of the eldest at her playgroup she is quite content playing with other children, occasionally looking up to check on me but that is good as she will be starting nursery/pre-school or any other number of things it is called these days in January. There is still a part of me that thinks we have the system wrong as once started she will now be in some form of education until she is 18 at a minimum. Learning the social skills is great but she has plenty of friends she can do that with and with the experience my wife especially and me to some extent have of child development etc because of jobs/previous jobs and our education it doesn’t sit easy with me. I am waffling I know but I’d rather my wife and I teach her one on one some of the basics she’ll need for school and allow her more time to play – and I’m sure if my pain and disability was under more control we would give this more thought but it isn’t an option currently. You can’t stop children growing up I know that, but surely allowing them to enjoy their childhood is equally as important as all the other stuff. If you’ve read my blogs long enough you’ll know today has been a bad day as my meds is making my thoughts dance all over the place. Where was I going?
Oh yes play group, now I am lucky that there are a number of parents/carers who talk to me and my LG now some I went to school with and were friends before we started having little ones and others who have realised that first impressions of a hulk of a skin head man covered in tattoos does not mean I am a threat or danger to their children. Not only do the parents but also the staff help me no end, they are very understanding and have never judged me, going out of their way to make things more comfortable. So all this is a positive experience today, but even more than this I accepted help from a relative stranger and without being embarrassed and this is my real big positive. Whilst my mum was getting my LG ready to leave I was stuck on the floor unable to get up (the session always ends with singing in a circle and I enjoy this so push the pain barrier and get help getting down and up again. Today I was really struggling, couldn’t use my crutches to work and two mums/carers who as yet haven’t really got to know me (they are new attendees this September) had spotted this. They both came over to offer help and my initial reaction was to say no (knowing my weight was probably more than their combined there seemed little they could do to pull me up). One of them had obviously thought about it and said let me get you a chair to help you to lean on and start getting up and we can take it from there. Between the chair, them and my crutches I got up surrounded by 3 strangers who went out of their way to help me. I was proud of myself for accepting their help and even prouder (is that a word) and really happy that they had taken the time to help to. Doing something good for a stranger, something as simple as moving a chair can lift them no end.
Secondly – amongst the waffling I have remembered the other positive. This evening I watched a BBC1 programme entitled Hooked on Painkillers. It was about the dramatic raise in opioids being prescribed by GP’s and had input from a Pain Clinic (like I attend only this was in Devon I think). It covered a number of issues, including abuse and addiction of prescribed medicines, the dangers of relying on non-specialists prescribing, and stopping meds cold turkey, the importance of trialing different drugs to find ones that work best for you in the lowest dosages possible. Being at a pain clinic it also addressed the importance of some of the other things that are important in dealing with chronic pain – I have referred to these in my blogs about the 10 Pain Management Programme and the Pain Management jigsaw. The programme left me feeling better, and knowing that the care I was receiving was definitely the right care for me (this is important as we are all different and what works for one may not work for the other), accepting the long term prognosis of pain doesn’t mean an end to all the things I enjoy/ed, the importance of a multi disciplinary approach to helping control my pain and just gave me a little boost. It’s not that I didn’t believe all the things my specialists were telling me, more that at times I can’t see the light through the fogs of pain and to see the programme tonight and talk to my wife about some the issues raised made this a positive experience. All in all a positive day 100