This is a very tricky day for spoonies, for one thing you want to throw caution to the wind and enjoy the day like everyone else, but you know if you do that you will be flat out cold by about 10am. It has been incredibly tough this year for me as I have always done the Christmas dinner inbetween sitting on the floor making legeo, duplo or whatever else. This year my mobility has been such that I have had to face up to a number of truths. Today was no different.
My wife and I were up and enjoying a quiet cuppa whilst our LG still snoozed at 7am this morning, I had written down the night before all the timings I needed for the various meets and everything else to cook in for lunch around 1pm (without which I would most definitely have forgotten something (little changes). Our children got up at about 7.45 and we had stockings from Father Christmas and a few presents from under the tree. One of my many helpers for the day had already put the turkey and gammon in the oven by this point, then we all showered and dressed before my wife made us our breakfasts. My folks arrived around half 9 and we continued opening presents in between checking the meats and pauses for peeling vegetables. Drinks were made by others throughout the day and I had to accept that I was cameraman sat on my most comfortable seat whilst my LG gave out presents to people and opened hers sat with mummy. Every so often she would come and sit with me and open one and it kept me involved in her day. My wife and I having had a tough year even managed to get some surprise presents for one another that made us both very happy.
At midday there was a pause in presents as I largely, directed and supervised my wife and mum in the kitchen with various elements of the dinner and all the bending in and out of the oven, something I just cannot do anymore 😦 whilst this is upsetting and frustrating my time with Dr B has taught me that life isn’t about stopping it is about evolving and changing what we do, or how we approach things. I stayed in charge of timings, the yorkshire pudding mix and the hobs. I also put together the Prawn Cocktail starters whilst my wife played waitress and mum sous chef. Struggling with pain and overheating I opened the kitchen window to let some air in and in no time the smoke alarm was going off and our LG was running round in her fireman Sam dress up shouting “don’t panic captain Mainwaring”
Christmas dinner consisted of beef that was cooked perfectly (according to grandad),Turkey and Gammon, accompanied by Cauliflower and Broccoli florets, Carrots, Sprouts, Roast Potatoes, Roast Parsnips, Stuffing Balls, Pigs in blankets and Yorkshire pudding (I was devastated as for the first time in 12 years they failed to rise, I think due to the cold air from the kitchen window, nevertheless everyone seemed to like everything. A quick mindfulness exercise helped me calm down from the yorkshire pudding disaster and whilst I perched and carved my mum and wife dished up. We all told silly cracker jokes, and wore paper hats and laughed together. Our son loaded the dishwasher in between courses and we rested before dessert to open presents (and because everyone could see how much I was struggling. Lots of medication and a period of rest helped me save a couple of spoons for a short play with my LG on the floor before watching the Queen’s speech and an afternoon of more laughter.
I haven’t made myself one drink all day, they have all been carried to me along with dessert and pretty much anything else I have needed since about 1pm today. I have struggled to pace such a busy day, I checked in with my support group at our prearranged time and thanked them for all the help they have given me this year.
I haven’t been able to play on the floor with my LG today, nor dance to her disco lights in her room but I have led her in the singing of our favourite Christmas songs and got Grandad joining in and have been propped in cushion city for most of the afternoon. It is not easy seeing other people doing things that you know you want to do yourself and I have had to pick and choose my spoon use wisely, but with so many other famiends to see over the coming days I have had to be disciplined, I have felt guilty at the amount of tidying up and “housework” that my wife and guests have been doing but they understand. My father in law knew I was really at a low point when I fell into his lap and a chair whilst trying to walk across the room and sitting back in cushion city and I felt happy and content. Surrounded by people I love and who love me back unconditionally and have worked hard helping me enjoy the day as much as them. The euphoria of the day got me past the last few hours and as I sat in a a pain med educed trance my wife spent an hour and more cleaning so that our lounge resembled less of an explosion and more like our home whilst I watch TV and tried to relax. The house is now quiet, and I can hear the dulcet tones of everyone snoring and I have managed to survive the day, yes pain on a scale of 1-10 is around 372 and I cannot get comfortable despite all the help for which I am truly grateful, and I am hoping for at least a few hours kip before it starts again tomorrow, every movement is like a dagger and I hope that soon I will be in the land of nod.
Helping keep me awake is my usual pain, an additional throbbing pain in the neck, incredibly painful shoulders, howling winds and the smells Christmas wafting from the open plan kitchen. The howling winds of Edna and the Rain and Spasms every time I do nod off don’t help much either!
This morning feels like I have been run over by a train and every part of me wants to crawl under the covers and hibernate for a week.