After the busy festive period and sorting out clothes this morning for charity I was dying to get in the tub for a soak. It sounds crazy but putting t-shirts on and off was physically exhausting and after the first 4 I needed help from my wife to take them off. The man that used to run miles now struggles to dress and undress himself, that is how far our lives can change in the blink of an eye. Now I am not comparing myself to what I once could do or wallowing over what I can’t ( I am not going to do that anymore, or at least do it a lot less 🙂 ), I am merely saying make the most of today and the time that you have today, yesterday cannot be changed and tomorrow is out of your control. Life has a way of messing up your plans and there will always be that extra thing you could do, that extra report, or one more this or one more that, but what if that time with your child that you turned down, or that impromptu date with your wife that you cancelled was the last opportunity you could do those things, would your response be any different?
I always say to people that you will have to take us as you find us if they pop round unannounced. Our door is always open (metaphorically speaking with a 3 year old running around it is always locked but you get my drift) and we are happy for visitors to pop by unannounced. The in laws found us buried under clothes we were sorting out today and then took them for us to deliver to the British Heart Foundation as my wife’s Nan who passed away this year used to be a big supporter of them and this saved us a trip out. The lounge however looked like a robbery in a toy shop with only a small walkway visible, still it was a clean mess and a sign of our LG using her imagination to play. It can be tricky for me sometimes as if I am having a really bad day and have taken my booster pain killers I fall asleep when guests are round, needless to say this makes me feel very rude but most famiends have experienced it now more than once, it really is my body going into shut down.
However as the heavens opened this afternoon and the scooter/mobility scooter around the close became a no go I made the decision that Daddy/Daughter time should be in the hot tub instead. I am still enjoying the moments of relief when I am in the tub and it gives me the opportunity to play with my LG much longer than I can on dry land. So most of the afternoon was spent with the view below. It was daylight when we got in and twilight when we eventually got out. So many times I have pangs of guilt when my LG asks me to do this or that and I can’t, so being in the hot tub and in addition to the pain relief I get whilst being in their the mood lifter is phenomenal too.
As you can see dolly Georgia joined us today, and apart from being naughty and weeing in the pool that gave us fits of hysterics she was very good in the tub ( the doll has a hole and my LG thought it was very funny as it looked like she was weeing). Whilst out in the tub the world drifted by and I was able to put in to use so many of the techniques from the Pain Management Programme that I really was smiling. I used mindfulness to empty my mind and take in the sounds, I remembered for the first time in a long time just how cute and (and, and oh fu@k mind block on the word I want it is so annoying when the fog comes through the brain and does this, think the extra meds are kicking in now) what I am trying to say is how when they laugh it makes you laugh too even if it wasn’t funny, do you know what I mean?
Whilst in the tub we sung our Christmas songs loud and proud, now I am the worlds worst singer and if the neighbours heard I am sure they would have been laughing at my poor renditions but that doesn’t matter. I was living for that moment – the 12 days of Christmas was in the wrong order but we got them all in there, Rudolph went down in history, My Beard was black with soot in my sack, and O’er the fields we went laughing all the way ( I bet some of you sung them, and some of you who didn’t are now going back to sing them hahaha). It was lovely we played with squirty bath toys, tipped water over each others’ heads and we planned tomorrow. My wife came and sat out with us in the mancave with a cup of tea for the last 30 minutes we were in there and we escaped the world for a few hours.We told stories, I did my yoga exercises and our LG did some with me as encouragement and others she was the weight I needed to increase the intensity slightly. Since it was the first time after Crimbo and the over indulging I probably, well definitely overdid it and now I am wishing I hadn’t and L my physio has just popped up on my shoulder giving me that stern talking to about causing pain meaning I had done too much. This time is so precious to me, it is hard to put into words, I see others having their days with their kids out and about and for them it is great, for us nothing will replace the time we spend together in the hot tub, dodgy tone deaf singing and all! I urge you all to make the most of every day, try and do something good and selfless for someone else no matter how small the gesture it will really boost others – furthermore make the most of what you have, look around you and see how rich you are with the loved ones in your life be it partners, children, famiends, pets a roof over your head any number of things.
I want to share with you a quote from Neil Gaiman which is relevant and poignant to me, especially as I continue to learn what I can and cannot physically cope with and the importance of learning how to overcome the challenges that will inevitably stump me along the way;
I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes. Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You’re doing things you’ve never done before, and more importantly, you’re doing something.
Tomorrow, well later today the alarm will go off at 6.30 and my wife will start her day of caring for me and getting us both through the shower and dressed ready for the day. She’ll sort my meds out for me and separate them in to different pill pots for me and then she will go and work a 12 hour+ day before getting home and looking after our LG doing the bedtime routine and finally sitting down (usually having either emptied or filled the dishwasher/tumble dryer/washing machine around 15 hours after getting up. Given the choice we would both be at home all the time and I would be fit and healthy but a miracle and a lottery win would be needed for that. Instead we make the most of what we do have and that is each other.