……………in truth now that I suffer chronic pain the answer to this is never. I get easily confused, take things way too personally/emotionally and then get confused as to what it was I was debating in the first place.
This is so frustrating because I have always been keen to discuss things with people be it something unimportant like the transfer market (only realised today that the Premier League transfer window is open again and I haven’t seen one transfer, before just existing became so tiring I would have been on it and fully read up about any new acquisitions that have been bought. I still have friends wanting to speak to me about the new Star Wars movie The Force Awakens as they want to speak to me about it, and yet I still cannot get relief from pain enough to put myself through the pain of watching it.
Going further than that I have always been passionate about local issues, as a teenager I used to help the Town Lions club with the summer fete and Dickensian evenings, as an adult I have been passionate about politics and whilst being able to listen to other peoples views and accept that it is human nature to disagree I now get exhausted holding these sorts of conversations. I find that I lose my temper when somebody doesn’t understand what I am trying to say (not making them agree – we live in the free world and it is good to disagree), I mean just making sense of what I say. I guess that is partly because I base my views on particular subjects on my own merit and not what that of my preferred political party is. Do not worry I am not about to go all political on you, there is a time and a place for politics and that is when all other conversation has crashed, there are no more beers left in the cooler and the fire has gone out – something that should never happen (well not all 3 in one go anyway).
I used to be able to speak so eloquently and passionately about a variety of subjects and was proud to keep up to date with a number of newspapers, reading several gives you the best chance of getting some sort of balance to arguments. Finding myself at the bottom end of the financial market and being one that has worked hard paying into the system I have resisted taking money out as there are too many people that make out there are too many who cheat the system (there are far too many who cheat the system I do not deny this), now being in the place we find ourselves one thing I am learning is that the forms are very complicated. Both my wife and I are educated to degree level yet we still struggle with the forms. There needs to be reform in the UK I acknowledge that, I also believe there are many things that can be corrected far higher up the food chain. If it is fraud for a person on low income to forget to admit they do regular babysitting and get paid £40 a week for it, how can billion dollar companies get away with paying less in tax than the people in my family. Well you get my point.
Anyway all too frequently I want to mention something, or reply to something that I see on social media but I stop myself, I know my debating skills have gone, my logical thinking and researching and my ability to think rationally. It makes it difficult sometimes to respond to someone with a well reasoned non emotive response especially when I feel personally attacked. I’m not for one second claiming that my mates have regular high brow conversations my ability to turn the most honest of sentences into a sexual innuendo means this is not the case, so why have I waffled on about this today.
Well it is because I lay here tonight sharing my bed on the sofa with care bear. Care bear is grumpy bear and is about 30 years old and my wife gave her to our LG when her parents found it in their loft. As I lay here I have pangs of guilt because our LG doesn’t have her. It is because she was naughty earlier, and I daresay if she wakes during the night and misses her I will get woken and have to go and explain and remind her where she is. I wonder sometimes whether my lack of ability to be able to explain things rationally and calmly has an affect on her, have I made a mountain out of a mole hill – I am sure I haven’t and we all parent differently and I wouldn’t dream of telling someone else the bet or right thing to do as we all know our children, our own values etc but I think how quickly things spiral out of control on social media with people nowadays and I do not want that to happen at home. I know debating with a 3 year old is a no brainer, their logic just isn’t the same as an adults, but reflecting on it this evening I have been aware that at times my own responses to people are not always worded best. I guess if you read my blogs you will see how I sometimes do not always make sense and I certainly am not making excuses. I do however miss the ability to have lively discussion. It is this that scares me and my 2016 pledge of #challengingaccessibility
These mental changes are as hard to come to terms with as the physical pain and is another symptom of chronic pain that people do not see! Anyway enough ramblings for tonight good night from me and goodnight from grumpy bear