Leading by example

As regular readers will know by now, I have a habit of beating myself up over all the things I cannot do instead of recognising the things that I am able to achieve – none more so than when it comes to my children. The feeling somehow that they miss out because of my disability.

In the last week however there have been a few instances where I have been exceptionally proud of my children and the way they have behaved. Firstly I got some really good feedback from the local landlord of a nearby pub. My folks visit once a week with their friend for lunch whilst she is having respite when her husband visits a dementia centre each week. T loves seeing my LG and is always pleased as anything when she visits my parents and she is there. They went for lunch this week and the people in the pub who know my wife and I asked my mum to pass on a message from them. In their opinion not only is our LG a confident, happy and polite LG she is a credit to us for the way she behaves and interacts with the staff and other people eating. This behaviour obviously comes from somewhere and I am pleased that she behaves like this when we are out.

Yesterday when we went in to town we walked down Woolworths alley (it isn’t actually Woolworths anymore as they went under years ago but it will always be that to me having grown up in the town) blowing down the alleyway was an empty can of some description. There must have been half a dozen people step over it before I positioned my scooter to stop it blowing any further. Almost simultaneously as I did this my LG said that’s disgusting throwing that on the floor and my wife stopped and said we’ll pick that up and put it in a bin. As only children can in an alleyway that echoes my LG started asking why so many other people ignored it. The only explanation we could give is that some people chose to ignore things, and it could be for any number of reasons explaining that had I been one of the people on my own I wouldn’t be able to stop and pick it up because of my poorly back. We said that littering was dirty and if everyone who could picked up just one piece each a day the world would be a much greater place. I then said to her that she needs to know what the right thing to do is, and that as her parents we would hope that she will do the right thing. She quickly turned around and looked at me and said like when you drop your crutches daddy I will always pick them up for you.

I have been lucky enough to receive some positive comments on here about the type of child she is and I am proud that she is growing up learning to respect others and the world we live in. This weekend we have spoken about her starting at nursery next week. She has two settling in sessions and then starts Friday on her own and she asked me today what would happen if she didn’t make any friends. This surprised me as she is a fairly confident person. I asked her what she should do, and she said tell people her name and ask to play with them. I said well as long as you do that and you remember to listen and share you will be fine. I also explained that she would have her own special worker who would make sure that she was involved in and included. I am proud that we can have these conversations together and that I am able to put her mind at rest. I said to her that she was very much like me in the way she talks to people and plays with them (she played with other children at The Playbarns the other day no problems whatsoever). I got for Christmas a pendant that we talked about and I said that it meant there is a piece of my heart in her and a piece of her heart in me meaning we will always be connected. She smiled and whilst we were in the hot tub she told me she was actually looking forward to meeting the new boys and girls.IMG_6769_large

My son, being an 18 year old fully grown up (well as much as I was at his age) working man is a different kettle of fish. I think seeing how hard I had to push myself to get to work each day with my chronic pain he understands how important it is to have a career, I was very honest with him and said at his age I had changed my career paths so many times that what is more important is gaining experience. He currently works in the insurance sector and giving that Norwich our closest major city is one of the biggest employers in this industry outside of the capital he could do far worse. Now this is where my family gets even more complicated J is not my biological son although I love him with all my heart and will continue to do so. So when I spoke to him the other day about Popsy he has only met him a handful of times so didn’t have the same sort of relationship and memories as me. However he knew from speaking to me that I was upset and home on my own. So he off his own back spoke to his manager, blew off drinks after work and came straight home within the hour to be with me. He knew there was nothing he could say to ease how I was feeling as he lost his paternal grandfather last year but he knew that I was better being with someone than on my own. He was of course right and I was happy to see him and having had time to reflect I am very proud of him for doing it, he will have to work a 12 hour shift next week to make up the hours he missed but he is happy without.

So I may not be throwing or kicking a ball around with them all the time, but I am with my wife instilling values that they should be proud of. Knowing what is right and wrong, being hard working and caring for others. I am very proud of our children and all that they do, they are by no means angels and I like the fact they have a bit of fight and question things, but also that like me they are caring by nature. I must be getting something right.

Bizarrely enough what triggered this blog tonight was going through our photos from 2015 as that time of year has come where I can create my yearbook with free extra pages. I took this picture in disbelief before taking my LG to pick up the cartons and pass them to me to place in the bin. It was a sad indictment of human’s and if we want our planet to last we need to all star looking after it, any way enough rambling from me :-/



One thought on “Leading by example

  1. Yes, it is how your children behave when you are not there, or out, that shows how well (or otherwise) they have been brought up. I went 10-pin bowling with A and my grandsons on Thursday. Some may think this an odd activity for a nearly 5 and nearly 3 year old, but they also behaved beautifully, mainly because we treated them no different from the adults in the party. Seeing the older one run with a 6lb bowling ball was hilarious, but he got it down the alley, albeit with the bumpers up! Both LG and J are a credit to you both, and testament to the upbringing you are giving/have given them.

    Liked by 1 person

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