unlike Feargal Sharkey sang is not so hard to find these days and over the past few months with my blogging I have reconnected with some old friends and it has been like they have been with me along this journey all the while, even though some I haven’t spoken to in person in quite literally years, decades even.
Now I know so many of these pictures get shared so frequently that we don’t always take the time to read them but a good friend (L) from my days at the leisure centre has posted two pictures that really captured me, the first one…
….pretty much sums up my mind on days when the pain is excruciating or I am having my own little pity party as I like to call them. The truth to this question is yes I have, does that mean I am a bad person well at times in my pity party I think I must have been pretty awful in my previous life to be getting this much sh!t now. The truth though is no it does not, life is for living and although it doesn’t always pan out the way you want it, or even expected it to that is life. I thought I’d been in love as a teenage boy and it was the end of the world when my high school sweetheart moved on at uni whilst we were still together but the truth is I got over it. I learnt that love changes, it changes not only in understanding what true love is but also how love can change you as a person. Me at 18 will definitely have a different meaning to the word love than me at 38 and then at 78 (if I make it that far, what I was experiencing at 18 was not love although at the time I believed it was). Children also give you a whole new definition of what it means to love someone. Without doubt I’d lay my life on the line both of my children hell I’d even sacrifice my life for them. The problems when in my early 20’s and I sat and thought the above have nothing on how I have felt since my car accident. How much that has changed my life, my thoughts and feelings. It ground my life to a halt, it created me masses of debt and masses of daily pain and ongoing lifestyle changes. I do not play sports anymore, I cannot and I loved them, but this is where the next picture I want to share comes in…..
……as is the case with any sort of trauma the natural response is to get bitter. I’m not going to lie to you I got bitter, very bitter, and as each day, week or month something new comes along that I can no longer do I have a new period of getting bitter. What I am learning, and for someone who at school learnt quickly is that I am now a very slow learner, eventually though I am learning that you have to get on with life and learn new ways of doing things or accept that you need new adaptations or help from other people. It doesn’t mean your life is shi!t you can guarantee somewhere in the world someone is always going through more shi!t and whilst this doesn’t help you i does put a different perspective on things. I am tired and emotional tonight so these ramblings are not the clear thinking coherent pearls of wisdom that were in my head when I first wrote them, more like a mish mash of waffling – but hey I didn’t call the blog waffling on for nothing.
I guess if my old manager EW was reading this she would be saying pres ci it cut it down to one sentence instead of 700 words. So here goes my message in a few sentences. Firstly it is ok to sit there and think fu@k I have been through some sh!t, it is not ok to wallow in that sitting position for too long (i know I have done it for years see off waffling again). It is ok to reflect on the major traumatic moments of your life, or even sit there and think some of that sh!t was good sh!t and laugh as you remember it, I certainly remember good times with L and the rest of the crew at the leisure centre when I was there. It is not ok however to sit there and think well that’s it my life is over what’s the point! You do exactly as the picture says you learn from your life experiences you grow from them, you change your life course and any number of things so that you are back in control and have the freedom to make the choice. Choice and control over your own fate is a very important thing and you must never underestimate the freedom you have to learn adapt and get better. That doesn’t mean I’m going to become a spine surgeon and create some new funky thing and operate on my own spine it means I am going to learn better ways of achieving my goals, changing my goals if fate dictates I need to and so on and so forth. Never give up, have setbacks and knock downs they are a way of you learning, evolving, maturing and carrying on in life. No matter how dark it is keep fighting and keep trying.
Finally for me best of all when you sit there and think fu@k I’ve been through some sh!t don’t do it alone do it with your bro and Jack or Johnnie (Walker), Grant’s, Taylor’s or thee Captain himselfand put the world to rights before then getting up and carrying on!