I try to remain positive but at times the pain is just all so consuming that the positivity is quite literally sucked out of you like a vacuum cleaner sucking the last few droplets of mud off the beautiful beige carpets in the adverts showing you just how powerful and amazing it is. It has got to that point today, and I sit here using the last available energy sapping spoons I have typing this. I have had a fun day but it is relentless at the moment what with NACP, WAG and WTC on top of this learning the ropes with NAG and DDAG I am losing site of the most important set of letters DADDY. All this started when a 3 year and 3 month old little girl broke down in tears at a photo of the only park DADDY can take her to in the local newspaper as it broke my heart to tell her that it was being massively downsized. She instantly saw the impact it would have and it has snowballed to the point of exhaustion. I wouldn’t change it because there are some massively positive things coming from all this but today I had the first pangs of guilt at not being online to read emails that may or may not be coming through, and that was after spending an hour on them this morning. All this was when I should have been on my no technology Wednesday. The difficulty is it is so important to keep the pressure up and to keep the initial thrust as the groups I am involved with are set up with mission statements and constitutions.
Getting home this evening there were many emails to reply to and not enough enrgy in the tank to do it, it will ease as other people are appointed and the support is shared around. What makes it easier is that for now everywhere I turn I seem to have another handshake and a congratulatory handshake or keep up the good work, you are doing a positive thing, this is great and I know we are (I say we as both groups I am in are very much a we, that I am a part of) doing good things. Just when you have a LG saying DADDY please don’t go to another meeting even if it is about the park I want to see you it is crushing. I know she does understand the work involved, nor how difficult some parties make it to achieve things, and I hope one day she will understand.
Thanks go to my very good friends Jeremy, Andre and Tom for joining us for a few hours of family fun escaping the tasks and having fish and chips followed by fun on the 2p machines (apologies for trashing the fence with my car 😦 ). We had a lovely afternoon. Thank you also for the two spoons you generously donated to me this evening, these will hopefully allow me to get some sleep and not see me begging for release from the pain with every fibre of my body at 3 am. Judging by the screaming pain and lack of breath now I doubt it but we can hope 🙂
Apologies my positive hasn’t been positive more of a grumble about pain and a random blog, but the truth is there is a lot going on at present, I am doing a lot, desperately trying to keep afloat have some wonderful famiends who helped me escape for a few hours today but I wish above all else I could just have some relief from life. Time is ticking on my council letter that must be responded to via their solicitors – I just want some down time the one thing it is impossible to get when you live with chronic pain, you never get time to rest without pain imposing and this is what makes living a normal life in 21st Century impossible