Do not compare or feel sorry for me………………

…………………I say this because I really do mean it. I am by nature a caring person, I like to think so anyway. I have always tried to put others ahead of me, and have suffered several times throughout my life as a result of it. I put other people’s happiness ahead of my own and I am genuinely happy to do so. I do not mean by this that I am unhappy but I mean I am genuinely worried or concerned by others, I believe that a problem shared is at least a problem halved (or gossiped about, I jest) and certainly that it does help.

I have throughout my life tried to be that person that people speak to when things have not been great, going as they hoped or indeed even when things are going well, I want to be that person in life because I have in the past felt pain, faced adversity and regularly made mistakes which I have tried to learn from. Maybe some of this is why I enjoyed being a mentor to 16-19 year olds. I remember the turmoil I had then in my life with my mum and adoptive dad splitting up during my A-Levels, relationship issues with both the girl/s I was seeing at the time and with so called friends, I mean who didn’t?

I cannot profess to always being sensible, nor can I say I was always honest, I can however say I have always cared for my family and friends and tried to do what is best by them. At times it has caused arguments, at times I have stood with them even when I have thought or known they are making mistakes and I have lost more people from my life than I care to remember, but all this has helped shape the person I have become.

I remember all the best laid plans that I had growing up and the expectations placed on me by my family, my school, society and I remember it being overwhelming. I found great friends in school, at my various places of work and have never really experienced problems talking to people, getting to know people and enjoying time spent with others. Then one November night an event that was to change my life beyond recognition took away all that I took for granted. It took more than that too.

I have steadily declined in health since my accident and it is only going to get harder, but even though my physical health has declined fortunately I have a good support network (let’s face it if I didn’t and was reliant on other services things would be a different story all together), they help to keep me positive and sane, and on the whole they promote and help my wellbeing along with doing all the everyday tasks I cannot do.

All this said I have noticed one massive change since I became disabled, and that is when talking to my famiends who are having a less than ideal time I am often met with lines such as “what right have I got to moan at you with your life being like it is” or I “feel guilty saying sh!t actually with what’s going on in your life”, or “I shouldn’t be saying this to you with what you are having to deal with” and even from my Chronic Pain Support Group friends I get comments when they are in pain and are talking to me but say “oh it’s nothing compared to how you are feeling” or “sorry I shouldn’t be getting on to you about this”.

I WANT TO STATE THIS FOR THE RECORD NOW AND I WILL SHOUT IT OUT. FIRSTLY ALL PAIN IS RELATIVE, I’VE HAD MINE FOR 14 YEARS, A NEW ACHE OR PAIN TO ANY OF YOU IS ONE PAIN TOO MUCH. I WOULDN’T WISH MINE ON MY WORST ENEMY SO I SURE AS HECK WOULDN’T WISH IT ON ANY OF YOU. IF YOU ARE SUFFERING I WANT TO KNOW ABOUT IT BECAUSE I CARE AND LOVE YOU, IF I DIDN’T I WOULDN’T ASK. AS FOR THOSE OF YOU HAVING A ROUGH TIME EMOTIONALLY OR FOR ANY REASON I WANT TO KNOW, I WANT TO BE THAT FRIEND THAT YOU CAN STILL TALK TO, I DO NOT WANT YOU TO COMPARE YOUR SITUATION WITH MINE, I HOPE EVERYDAY NO-ONE WILL EVER HAVE TO FEEL WHAT I DO, BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN THAT I DON’T WANT TO KNOW ABOUT OR UNDERSTAND OR HELP YOU WITH WHAT YOU ARE FEELING. FINALLY FOR ANY OF MY FRIENDS WHO EXPERIENCE ANY TYPE OF PHYSICAL PAIN, PLEASE DO NOT COMPARE WHAT YOU ARE EXPERIENCING TO ME, OUR PAIN IS OURS, IT IS UNIQUE TO US, WE ALL UNDERSELL IT TO PROTECT OTHERS AND WE ALL WANT TO SUPPORT ONE ANOTHER.

I think that’s enough shouting, what I am trying to say is that if you know me in person, or even via my blog and I ask how you are, I ask this because I care, I ask because it is in my nature to ask and I ask because in some way you have all touched, inspired, helped or supported me on my journey both pre-accident Seachy and post-accident Seachy. I do not ask because I want to moan or go woe is me or even compare your issues to mine (they are separate issues, they are not ever up for debate at the same time) and when you are talking to me you have my undivided attention. I hope this has come across in the way I have meant it and I hope that people will keep talking to me and letting me help and support them, if I didn’t want to I wouldn’t ask and by helping you I am helping me too more than  you will probably realise.

Love you all Seachy xx

2 thoughts on “Do not compare or feel sorry for me………………

  1. Had to read this a couple of times my friend for you have put into words what I have been trying to say to a couple of people for about a month now , but every time the whole situation got me angry and the only words I could find were swear words , and know them words of ” well your in pain so not fair to unload on you “, so very well .and one that annoys rhe hell out of me , then I feel guilty for offering a ear in the first place , then the whole circle of feeling guilty about feeling guilty….
    So thank you my freind for your words…. Take care , and stay strong …

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m really glad I got my message across and in a way that makes people see where I am coming from. We all have times in our life when we need to offload and just because we have issues of our own it doesn’t matter and it definitely doesn’t mean we don’t want to help our friends. Not talking and the thinking of protecting us actually leads in part towards the social isolation that can be such an issue for so many people. You too stay strong and take care of yourself. I hope your friends read this and it helps them understand! I laugh with some now and say hey if you have secrets you need to share tell me, coz you can guarantee that after my next dose of medication I will have forgotten who said what 😀

      Like

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