For months now my LG has been collecting Doc McStuffins toys, magazines, stuffies and we regularly sit and fix her toys. She has for the last 6 or 7 months been saying when she grows up she wants to be a doctor. Admittedly this is in between being a Fairy Horse, Darth Vader, Princess Celestia, Kylo Ren, Thomas the Tank Engine, Alvinnnnn and the Chipmunks (all of them), the ruler of all the galaxies, a Vet, a fireman Sam and any other number of jobs based on her favourite programmes. However if you ask her at just anytime her answer is always the same.
I want to be a doctor when I grow up so I can fix Daddy’s back. Yesterday in the car I got, when I fix your back will you go on a bike ride with me! Now given that my LG hasn’t learnt how to ride a bike yet, but she is persistent in her drive to become a doctor and fix me. In a week when I have spoken to my wife about looking into the seated bikes that you can get so I can lean against something and support my back whilst I use my hands to propel and steer. Is this all just a strange coincidence? Well I’m not somebody who believes in coincidences I think everything happens for a reason (even my car accident) even if you do not understand what that reason is/was for many years. Maybe that’s my desire to want to believe in the Force 😛
So another task to add to the list of jobs is to start researching these bicycles, and no doubt the high figure that they will come with.I would love to be able to take my LG out for a bike ride, one of those things you should do as a parent, the practicalities need to be sorted though. What is nagging at me and in the back of my min
The problem I have though is this, on the one hand I’d be very proud of my LG whatever she becomes when she grows up as long as she is happy and is doing her best, now I know that 1) short of a minor miracle and a massive leap forward in medical advancements that even if she becomes a doctor my age will prevent me from really benefiting and 2) my pain is, as best as you can ever say never, is never going to go away and so she won’t be able to fix me. This means that if I do not tell her this am I misleading her, and whilst she is still only young and it is all very sweet and the fact that she looks up to me and wants to help is lovely should I be encouraging or laughing these comments off. I mean becoming a doctor is tough, really tough and certainly I do not want to put more pressure on her, she has enough of that being a young carer for daddy at such a young age without making things worse. Of course my pain and the fact that this last week has taken so much out of me physically, I have as I always do been over analysing everything, being very hard on myself and over complicating things.
Wanting to become a doctor to help me though does go a long way to restoring the belief in me that she isn’t or at least doesn’t feel like she is missing out on anything by having a dad who regularly cannot do the things he or she wants because of my pain, and that therefore I am in someway making her miss out. Whenever I feel in a lot of pain the dark clouds close in and the woe is me nature takes control. It is why I started this blog, just from writing it out I know several things.
Firstly I do not need to say anything to my LG, her career will probably change 101 times between now and the end of her education and if my pain spurs her on great, if it doesn’t and she does something else as long as she is happy we will be as her parents. If I can find a way to go on bike rides with her I am best to do that sooner rather than later, however I guess I am going to need to find some sort of specialist funding/bike charity for this. I guess if any readers of my blog can advise or give me some names that would be great. I also know that I need some rest and I need this sooner rather than later.
Therefore in answer to my original question I don’t, as she gets older she will become wiser and aware of what she can and cannot achieve, for now I need to stop worrying and start enjoying the fun and times we do have together. We would all choose different things, less hours at work and so on and so forth but for me I must stop using my pain and disability as excuses. Anyway enough ramblings of a painful man, justifying issues that aren’t there in anyone’s eyes other than my own. Oh yes and source a hand propelled bike………………….