Those Summertime Blues

Today is one of those days where I hate my pain and my disability, and how it prevents me from helping others. My Scottish Brother who is getting married at the end of the month doesn’t do things by half and he and his bride to be have purchased a new home and they are moving this weekend. The plan was for me to go over today in my car to allow him the room to stack more boxes in it than his own.

As is always the case the weather was awful this morning so I didn’t go over and by the time I could I’d taken too much medication to happily drive. They are moving from a 3 storey town house to a 3 storey town house so even if I could carry boxes or load them on to my lap and wheel them out I wouldn’t be able to contend with the stairs and doorsteps. It is a bug bear of mine door steps! In this day and age there are so many level access door plinths available that even with a gentle slope up (to prevent rain build up) there is no excuse for new builds to have doorsteps. They really could and should be level access. I mean I know I’m not going to buy a 3 storey town house but as is the case here my family have and I want to go and see them (or should I still hide away unseen and unacknowledged). So come on housing planners pull your fingers out and get with the programme, what use are the 900mm door frames and downstairs toilets if I cannot even get in the frigging house! Sorry I digress and I think my friends new house does allow level entry access but so many do not. Take a look next time you are out………….

So getting back to my summertime blues, I am sat at home p!ssed off, angry and frustrated that I cannot help my brother from over the wall set up his new home. I’ve lost count the number of times he has helped me move, paint, tidy the garden, tidy the house, take me out, drive me around and so on. The list really is endless and I cannot do a simple thing for him. It is days and afternoons like today when I hate the barriers in my life that prevent me from helping others, those who help me, those who are amazing to me, those who are always there for me and those who I wish I could do more to show how much I appreciate them. What makes it worse in some respects is that they are so understanding and his messages to me read “your health comes first. You’re here in spirit though Bro” and “I know you would here if you could and that’s what counts” I have amazing people in my life I love them lots and although I cannot always do what I would like to, or be where I want to be I just hope you all know you mean the world to me. Now where’s the Kraken!

2 thoughts on “Those Summertime Blues

  1. Bro, we are all the same I’m that respect – we all wish we could be there, and do more for our loved ones and closest. The reality of our lives is that we can’t, for any number of reasons, regardless of our desire and drive to be there. I will always help you bro, wherever I can and have been beating myself up over the last few years or more as I haven’t been able to be as present and helpful as I want to be.

    My own invisible anxieties and worries of the mind mean I’m not as present, or when I am, as mentally with it as I want to be.

    Just by asking and offering your help it means more than you know.

    Love you bro xxx


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