Who am I and why do I blog?

I’m a (nearly) 40 (well definitely wrong side of 30) year old father of two fabulous children. One has just entered adult life getting his first full time job and is now able to enjoy a pint in the snooker club with me. My LG on the other hand does help keep me up at night but it’s usually shouting at 3 in the morning Daddy, Daddy I want cuddles (especially as my disability means I am often in the lounge propped up on a number of cushions, so rather than coming through to our bedroom (we live in a bungalow) she waits for me on the sofa to find her). She is a shining light on dark days, helping me to see things through a young child’s eyes (she is nearly 3) helps me to find some good even on the days when getting out of bed has been my major achievement,

I took up blogging having started a 10 week pain management programme earlier this year (2015 when I wrote this) and realising that despite having had my car accident 13 years ago there was still so much built up tension, frustration and anger inside that needed to get out. In addition to struggling to learn to live with my physical disabilities, I also didn’t have an outlet or real understanding of what was going on in my own head. It was suggested that I write a diary and being honest with myself I knew that maybe I’d do this once or twice but I certainly wouldn’t follow it through. Blogging seemed the ideal solution, if I went quiet for a while those closest to me would know that I was struggling with the pain and that meant that this would not be written. If I was feeling up to a few lines here and there I would be more inclined to keep it up to date if I knew people were reading it, but above all else logging onto social media and seeing my blogs would be therapeutic, cathartic and hopefully another part in my jigsaw of life and understanding what living with my disability really meant. Being new to blogging I am now doing the “Blogging 101” course to give me hints and tips on improving my blog, making it more appealing and giving me some more direction. Today’s assignment was to improve my “about”

When I first set up my blog I was having a particularly high pain day so I called it Seachy Suffers, since reflecting upon this both with my Pain Psychologist and a number of other professionals, family and friends I have changed the title. For two main reasons firstly the initial title was very negative and implied that I was suffering 24/7 and whilst it is true that I live in constant pain and so can be seen to be suffering it is not a true reflection of who I am, what the blog is about, and the support I have around me to minimise that suffering. Secondly as you get to read my blogs you will see that I do have a tendency to waffle, going off at tangents losing my thread, telling you more than I ever imagined I would and covering more in my blogs than just pain – and so Seachy Waffles On seems a far better and more accurate if somewhat more boring title. I have tried and failed to find some sort of pun or play on my life to make the title more appealing to others, but in truth I write for myself and whilst it is good to receive some positive or constructive feedback from readers it is more just about me sharing my journey in a way that allows me to reflect, get things off my chest and thus enjoy the better things in life, time with my family and friends.

So what is my disability I hear you say, it all began in November 2002 when another driver caused a serious RTA that has left me with permanent degenerative damage to my spine, nerves around my spinal column and residual damage in my neck, arms and legs, leading me to lose grip and be susceptible to trips and falls. I take numerous medications that help ease some of the pain including the Opioid Methadone and am slowly gathering more mobility aids then you can shake a metaphorical leg at!

Fortunately I have a loving, caring wife who for the most part doesn’t seem to mind putting in 20 minutes of caring for me each morning helping me shower, dry and dress before starting a 12 hour day job which is emotionally draining and thankless, before returning home and having to run the household, do more than her fair share of chores, more caring for me, is learning more about medication and side effects than most workers in a chemist and is slowly building muscles in places she didn’t know she had lugging around my wheelchair, mobility scooter and helping me up after a fall. I say despite all this we enjoy our family life, when I say despite all this, this is part of my journey to enlightenment, self awareness whatever you want to call it basically it means I do not see myself as those around me see it. I see myself as a burden and that any sort of fun has to be strategically planned around what I can/cannot do – with help I am starting to see how others view me and how I help others. It is the beginning of a new journey for me, one I am sharing with others in the hope that I may help at least one person come to terms with their journey.

In this blog I will share my thoughts, feelings and experiences both positive and negative about living as a disabled person in the 21st century. There will be joy and pain and opportunities to laugh along with me as I share my day to day life!

7 thoughts on “Who am I and why do I blog?

  1. Hey, thanks for visiting my blog. I haven’t gone through what you have and I don’t really know anyone who has, so I can’t say I fully undestand. What I do know is that you have been through so much, still going through so much, but you’re still so positive. That is so amazing. You know it makes the rest of us who have better situations think and wonder if we aren’t ungrateful idiots; Sometimes we are. You’re amazing and I wish you all the best.
    P.S. Your wife deserves an award!!! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. She certainly does, she is an amazing lady and has helped me and saved me so many times I am a lucky man to have my best friend and soul mate helping me through each day, one day at a time! Along with my family and friends I still feel lucky and grateful. Thank you for your kind words. I think unfortunately and even I do it, it is human nature to think life is worse than it actually is somedays 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  2. So many, questions, I do not mind you asking at all, I think you call them RTC’s Road Traffic Accidents or Collisions. I have damage throughout my spine that largely affects my lower limbs, I can walk short distances with the use of crutches so am able to get in and out of my wheelchair and in to the car, I have reduced strength and grip in my arms, have spasms and restricted range of movements in my arms, although this has got significantly worse over the last 18 months. . We have disability living allowance in the UK which pays for my vehicle on a 3 year lease, but when I took this out I was significantly more mobile than I am now and was able to help my wife load and unload my wheelchair and/or mobility scooter. I am in the process of getting this vehicle changed though as I can no longer do this so we require a larger vehicle with a lever arm to load and unload at the touch of a button for me otherwise I am unable to go out on my own, even on my better days as the mobility scooter is stoored in pieces in our car and I am unable to put it together. I was able to sue the other driver however after 6 years or arguements and being sent all around the country to see various specialists I did what I now realise was their aim and they wore me down into submission. I needed some closure so I could start to look forward in my life so took a vastly reduced settlement with no provision for further deterioration in health – with hindsight I should have as my wife and I are now left with paying out thousands for the vaarious aids I need. I also didin’t realise that at the point of settlement the good old UK government took back all the incapacity benefits (I guess this is similar to your disability pension) payments they’s paying me instantly reducing it by a third! TO be fair we were able to clear off all our debts and pay for a honeymoon and wedding of our choice and start married life debt free so this was good. I just on my dark, sleepless, but not able to sleep nights question why my wife would want to remain with me now things have got so difficult and she has to work full time and care for me 15-20 hours a week too. She tells me I’m crazy and this I know already. Now that I am no longer able to work I am entitled to claim an allowance but this is assessed strangely and is only available for a limited period. Fortunately I paid into a private pension scheme so have a small income, but generally resources are so stretched over here that you become your families responsibility. I am very fortunate that on the whole I have an amazing supportive extended family.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for answering my ?s! It is not a wonder that you’re grieving so much,such a sudden, unexpected reduction in mobility is traumatic. Seriously think you’re lawyer was below par in fighting for you…six years is a long time to let another lawyer harass your client, know what I mean? Especially with all the health and psychological problems, doesn’t make sense to have to deal with lawyers too! They should not be allowed to drag on so.
      So, with this little bit of background on you I understand much better what you deal with, so thanks again for not brushing me off.
      BTW, got a bud that can trick out your can for you? And your wheelchair, scooter etc. They totally should do it for you…it’s a guy thing, right LOL

      Like

  3. I don’t know the jargon RTA and maybe once upon a time I would have had to brain power to figure it out on my own, now, I do not. Is your van fixed up to accommodate your wheelchair with a hydraulic lift or are you able to get out of the chair and get in the seat yourself. Are your arms affected by the damage or just the lower half of your body. Were you able to sue the driver of the other vehicle for compensation? And,finally, do you get a disability pension from the government like they have available here in Canada? Am I a nosy Nellie or what? You can just ignore any or all my questions if they are too personal or you find them too pointless to answer. I promise not to be offended 😄

    Like

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